Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
