Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
