well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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