No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
