I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
