So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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