If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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