Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
