I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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