Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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