I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
