Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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