sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
