Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
