soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
