tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
