my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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