His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
