yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
