i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
