I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
