She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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