He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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