FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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