No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
