Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Randomize
