you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
