I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
