What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
