And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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