Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
