Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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