Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
