well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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