I love how my cats smell like pot.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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