I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Enjoy the penises
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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