I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
