If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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