You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
