Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
