guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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