we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
