So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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