Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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