Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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