I just saw a hot homeless man
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He has the fingertips of a God
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