he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
