I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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