I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
