we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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